Thoughts On Why I Suck

Here we go.

i am so selfish.

(i originally spelled that selphish... i dont know why)

i am so concerned with my own life. with my surroundings. with my comfort zone.

its freaking ridiculous

i hate being a hypocrite.

i spend my time talking about how the believers on this campus need to evangelize more, when i barely do it myself.

i tell people to read their bible more, without reading myself.

who am i to guide someone else's life?

(more on that later)

Considering where i am on my walk with Christ at this moment, it is out of the question to have me being a mentor to anybody. I need to get so many things in my life on track. My attitude right now is apathetic towards personal growth. i don't feel like i need to be in God's word everyday, when i know that i really do need to.

But then again, maybe i am walking closer than i think i am, and i need to just change my attitude towards everything. it is a bit of a slippery slope to be on, but it is one i fall on a lot.

but whenever i do, God always brings me out of it better. he uses my stubbornness so it can be broken, and he uses my brokenness to rebuild. and i truly appreciate Him for doing that. because we both know that i need to get slapped around (figuratively).

and is that God testing me to be a leader?

For some silly absurd reason, i feel like i am being called to lead. i don't know where, or when, or how. but i feel that way.

maybe this is God telling me that I need to prepare to lead at some point in time. Because God tests His leaders.

What it probably is, is God showing me how NOT ready i am to lead.

Leadership is such a finicky thing. In my eyes, there are three types of leaders.

1. People who really want to lead, and have passion for it, but shouldn't due to some reason. whether that is their personal desires, ability, or influence.

2. People who can lead, and would be okay doing it, and probably should, but don't because they either

a: think someone else would do a better job

b: too scared

c: just don't want to lead

3. People who are genuinely good leaders, and are humble about it.

(the third one is kinda lame, but true)

Idk, thats how i see things as of 1:54am on april 18th.

that will probably change

i have no idea where i fall in those categories.

but what makes a leader? who should be leading the body of believers here at WSC? Well that answer is easy, Jesus. But how do we let Him lead? How does Jesus lead a body of believers?

Through the believers praying, and through Him speaking to those believers.

i dont know where i am going with this.

but the new servant team was "released" this week. and i feel like they are ready, willing, and able to serve our savior and lead this body of believers, Campus Crusade for Christ at WSC, to do His will. and i believe that this years staff will be ample enough to be able to get things done. I'm not saying last years wasn't, or the years before that, but i find them to be quite alright. and that is all attributed to prayer.

prayer is such a powerful tool and shield and sword and vessel and just about everything ever.

i mean, how cool is it that we can LITERALLY TALK to our Savior? the God and Creator of the universe!

ITS FREAKING AWESOME.

(thats how cool it is)

im sorry this post was really random, but i will refine my thoughts later.

P.S: This is what the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.